Well, I can't do this anymore. I've got to check out for a while. I'm a complete ball of nerves. I have everyone (lovingly, very lovingly) asking me for updates, what's going on. And I have nothing. I don't know how she's feeling, what's going on, what the next date is. I don't know. I don't know if she's having contractions or what her doctor is going to do next. I don't know how her weekend was. I haven't heard from our caseworker. I don't know.
I don't know.
It drives me crazy to be so out-of-control (spiritual lesson there, I think there is!). But I was reading blogs today and saw where some bloggy friends are caring for their adopted children and one had a particularly devastating weekend where their adoption fell through. I can't do that right now! I can't read the blogs right now, I just can't. I have to stop answering "what's the update" because I don't know.
It's not that I don't appreciate the concern and care....you all are part of this and I couldn't be here with out family and friends both IRL and in blogland. But I just have to calmly step back. I have to enjoy this time with my husband and stop second-guessing every little call (or no call) with our caseworker. Every stomach flutter of doubt. Every time the phone rings. Every new blog I read. It's all too much.
So...I promise I will update here as soon as I know something. I promise! And if I can't, I do have a friend ready to update for me. In the meantime, please know that for my own sanity (and my husband's) I'm checking out of blogland for a little while. I have to so that I'm not thinking the worst. I've already left not one but TWO crazy rambling messages for our caseworker today asking for any kind of update. That's so NOT me.
She has another delivery scheduled this week as well, so I know she's busy and stressed. But all the questions from others makes me think I'm not informed enough so I keep sending her messages. When in reality, she told me she wouldn't bother N until today, she told me if there were any concerns she would call, the minute she hears of labor updates from N we'll be the first to know.
Everything is as it should be, I'm just now making myself crazy. So I'm checking out. And I can't read blogs right now either. I went the whole weekend without reading them and then BAM this morning I'm a weepy mess.
Love you all, I'll check in soon. I'm confident it will be with exciting news!
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6 comments:
:) I left rambling messages for our SW, too. When your mind is moving faster than your tongue, things get out of hand. Do what you need to do and we'll be anxiously awaiting your return with lots of pictures! :)
Hang in there - I know it's not easy. Been there, done it, got the grey hairs!
Take all the time off that you need - sometimes we need to hibernate.
Spend time with your hubby...
Thinking of you and sending big hugs
Love
Natalie
xxx
thinking of you.....know it's hard!
I understand....hang in there!
You continue to be in my thoughts and prayers. I completely appreciate your need for space from the blogosphere, and I look forward to hearing your updates as and when they happen. I really hope all this works out for you, and I can't even begin to imagine the stressfulness of your situation. I hope that you're able to find a bit of peace and a sense of God's hand in this over the next few days.
Big hugs to you.
Hoping that you are doing OK!
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