The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face

My Dearest Colt,

You recently turned one month old. How could it already be one month? In the same way, how could it be only one month? It feels like you've been here forever.

One thing your dad and I worried about long before you arrived was colic. What if our baby had colic? How would we survive? What if we had a baby that would fuss all the time and make it hard for us to get through even a single episode of "House" let alone a hot meal at Texas Roadhouse? Seriously, there were so many ways you could interrupt our lives and we'd have no choice but to indulge you.

However, clearly you are saving the headaches for the teenage years. Because you've been a dream. Just a downright dream. Sorry, I'm typing with one hand right now while my other hand knocks furiously on wood because I don't want to jinx it. We never, ever imagined how much fun you would be. We never pictured multiple conversations about poop and constipation that would happily fill out our lives. We never pictured how much cuddling our arms could handle without ever seeming to break.

Colt, you know the story of your birth. I tell it to you almost daily. I tell you about Miss N. I tell you about the call we got to go to the hospital, and how nervous we were, and how fast we drove on icy roads to get to you. How we sneaked a look at you before we were supposed to. How they brought you into our room at the hospital and left you there...all alone with ME and DAD. And how we looked at each other with the smiles and racing hearts and knew that no matter what happened there was no going back....we were smitten, over-the-moon, Rodgers and Hammerstein in love with you.

In the last month, my emotions have been all over the place. It's still weird for me to say "my son" or to call myself "mommy". It's like a secret club I belong to, but I'm still learning the handshake. I never rushed a sorority in college (though I did go to a few frat parties and NO you're not allowed to rush a fraternity) so I'm not sure how to be part of such an elite group. But I'm muddling my way through it and you make it alarmingly easy.

It was a rough couple of weeks to start, which had nothing to do with you and everything to do with me adjusting my own schedule and my own emotions and letting my own guards down. Three years doesn't sound like a long time, but when you think about how we spent that entire time waiting for you...well, it might as well have been forever. To have everything realized and in my arms was an amazing moment, but one that took some pinching and adjusting.

You calm down when you hear my voice. You search and search without tiring for the perfect crook in my neck to settle in and cuddle. The corners of your lips turn up ever so slightly when I make faces at you. You talk more and more during the day about anything and everything. You're fashionable (although I take credit for that).

You like to observe life slowly, soaking it in. Swinging, bouncing, anything that would take you away from the intense focus you have on the lamp or the cat or the TV or me....it's all for the birds. You'd rather just sit and absorb. I love that about you. While you look like your dad, maybe you're like me in your attitude. It's easier for you to sit still and get involved than get too busy and have it all fly by without touching a moment.

In a couple of weeks we're going to visit Miss N and I can't wait to take you to see her. She'll be excited to see how much you've grown and changed. We'll take pictures and hopefully laugh and share stories. And I hope it's the beginning of a long and wonderful relationship. Because she loves you as much as your dad and I do. Not in the same way, but definitely as much.

You are our life's greatest blessing.

Love,
Mommy
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Father in Heaven, Thank you for completing our family. Thank you for teaching us patience and perseverance. Thank you for your perfect timing. Thank you for not giving up on us when we wanted to give up on you. Thank you for trusting us to care for this child, for making him a part of us. Thank you for watching over N and for guiding her decisions. Please continue to watch over this perfect family and bless us while we do our best to raise Colt in your ways. Help us to never forget that you are in control, and there is a reason for everything. Allow us to build hope for others through our experience. In Jesus Name, Amen.