Then and Now

So, we went to visit N this weekend. I'm not sure how these visits are supposed to go, but I felt like it went really well! I wasn't even that nervous about it until right before we walked in the door. But once we were inside, N gave me a hug and everything felt easy and natural.

We ended up going to her grandmother's house for the visit, which is out of the norm but ended up being the best decision. It was easy to pass Colt around, he could lay on the ground and move and play. We weren't confined by a booth in a restaurant or anything. We brought his playgym and he showed off his screaming voice (and subsequent laughter) and was kicking and scooting around like crazy!

I handed Colt to N when we first got there and she covered him in kisses. I encouraged her to take his socks and his pants off so she could see his legs and little feet. She kept saying "he's just so big" over and over. He IS really big! I can't imagine how it must feel to see how much he's grown and changed over the last 3 1/2 months.

Her grandmother, grandfather, sister, and two friends were there. Everyone was so friendly and gracious and excited to hear every little detail I overwhelmed them with. N held him quite a bit, but she also let him play and get passed around. When I told her she could pick him up from his playgym she said "I know, I just like to watch him". Which, I guess is true...when you're holding him it's hard to watch his movements and facial expressions. She stared at him most of the time, and seemed to be very happy.

I seemed to stare at her quite a bit, trying to pick out physical features that they shared. We'd only seen her a couple of times in the hospital so it was good to really get a feel for how she looks when she hasn't just given birth. She's skinny...oh so skinny. She said Colt's birthfather is 6'3" and around 180 pounds, so I guess that's where Colt gets his weight and length from! Her hair was pulled back, so I could see all of her facial features. They share the same ears and the same eye color.

I thought Colt looked a lot like N's sister. They have the same eye shape, hair, and cheeks. It was fun to pick things out and recognize his features on someone else.

The funniest thing was when I was picking him up off the floor I made a groan as I lifted him (Dude is heavy, ok) and she said "I'm sorry he's so heavy". Like it was her fault! I laughed and said "don't be sorry! It means he's healthy and growing!".

Toward the end of the visit, John and I had been exchanging glances with our caseworker, T. Colt was getting fussy and we'd noticed N's attention was waning. As if on cue she said "I don't want to rush you off, but feel free to leave when you need to". I was so glad it was her suggestion, so we didn't rush off if she wanted more time. But it had been over two hours and I imagine so many emotions were hitting her. As we pulled out of the driveway, John saw her get in her car, wiping away tears, refusing to look our way. She hadn't cried at all the whole day, so it tells me she's very strong.

She's doing very well, back to work at a local hospital and in school. She's living on her own with her boyfriend, who is apparently a good guy. They started dating toward the end of her pregnancy and he's been very supportive. He did not come yesterday, she said he wanted to give her the space she needed and felt it was a little inappropriate to be there on this first visit.

John asked her if she had any questions for us. She simply said "not really. I wanted to make sure he was happy. From everything I've seen, he's very happy and you guys are great parents".

It meant the world to me.

These photos are from the day we left the hospital and the last time she saw him, to a photo taken last week and what he looked like this time. What a difference 3 months makes.