- Excitement: if you can provide a better word for "excited" let me know. Thrilled, happy, overjoyed...all add up to "excitement" which doesn't seem to be exciting enough to describe anything.
- Overwhelmed: um, obviously. That may be the number one thing we're feeling.
- Heartbroken: for N, our birth mother. I think about every. single. minute. I'm actually overwhelmed with how much I think about her. I have thought about her more than the baby, if I'm being honest. My heart aches for her and my prayers are constant. I desperately want to meet her...I'm amazed how much I want to meet her, how much I want to talk to her, to know her. My number one request is prayers for her.
- FEAR: absolute and total fear. Fear that our guards are down and we'll be disappointed, fear for the baby's health, fear for the unknown. But most of all fear because WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO WITH A BABY?! I read somewhere they go through 600 diapers in the first month! WHAT?! Which bottles do we buy? How will we know their cry? Will we ever sleep? What about daycare? And, oh yeah, what are we going to call them? How will we ever know about all this?
I just don't know when we're going to get everything in order. Where will we find time? I only have 4 Saturdays between now and the due date that are not planned! Can you imagine?
At the same time, I think about him and I overflow with impatience. I don't know how I'm going to wait 2 months to hold him and smell him and kiss him. I just don't know how I'll be able to wait.
And on that note, tears streaming down my face and my stomach in nauseous knots (becoming the norm lately) I'm going to sign off for now. Please pray for N!
7 comments:
Wow. In so many ways I am not jealous of all of your emotions, but in so many more I am! Just feel all those feelings to the fullest! I can't wait to hear he is here!
Ecstatic, euphoric...just a few of the words I've been using lately!
Concentrate on the excitement. Everything else will fall into place.
Constantly thinking of N, the baby and you and John...I love you all!
Sounds so familiar and normal! We only had a week to go through all of these emotions and actually didn't even really think about what we would do with our baby once we brought her home. :) We were so focused on her birth parents and worrying about if they were going to change their mind.
I hope you get to meet her soon. It is hard because you hurt so much for them and feel SOOOOO guilty for being happy for yourselves. HOwever, I think having an open adoption is a wonderful gift to yourself, the birth mother, but especially your child.
Hey there! Thanks for coming out of lurkdom on my blog, I'm glad you did! And I'm super excited that I hopped over to your blog at just the right time! Congrats on the pending adoption, looks like we're both having boys! How cool!
Ok, now I'm completely caught up with your blog. :) (Yay for killing some time today!) I thought it was especially sweet and poignant that you wrote a letter to your future son on March 9... probably about the time he was conceived, give or take a week. It's amazing when things come full circle and you can see God's timing. Congrats again! I can't wait for more updates. :)
I can only imagine the roller coaster you're on right now!
we all go through IF and then the rigors of the adoption process, thinking all the while that we'll be so much less stressed when our wishes of motherhood are finally granted. In reality, I think it's just a new chapter. Filled with hope, wonder, and love to be sure, but still overwhelming and emotionally taxing--stress of a new kind.
Hang in there. You WILL figure it all out. It won't take you long at all to get the hang of his cries and to become an old pro and the 20-diaper-day!
Melba
Wow! Have I been out of touch!!! I am SO UNBELIEVABLY EXCITED FOR YOU!!!! The waiting now is so hard b/c you know for sure what is on the other end!!!! OH, I'll get better at checking and keeping up now!!! Praise God!!!
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