How can I possibly be strong enough for all this?
Each step I take, every preparation I make I wonder with a flutter in my stomach--how could I possibly be strong enough? Why was I chosen for this path? I certainly don't feel strong enough. I don't deserve it. There is no explanation other than God is carrying me. He's carrying us. He's holding my hand, guiding me through.
I have to trust that He will provide. I have to trust that He will guard my heart and not allow me to get too wrapped up in the surface moments that bring a lot of excitement.
I have to have hope.
It is so much easier and so much harder than I ever imagined it would be. It's so easy to believe that this child is our son. Yet there are three years of disappointment and waiting and crushing blows that make me second guess that. How can I get over that? I truly hope that I can be confident this child is our son long before we hold him in our arms, long before the papers are signed.
Dear Lord, please let this be it. And please help me to trust with all my heart.
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2 comments:
Praying right along with you!
Many asked us along the way, and still ask us, "How can you possibly do that?" "Aren't you scared?" "What if she changes her mind?" -you think it, they asked it! And my response is always the same, "It's a God thing!" There is NO WAY we could or would have done this without HIM! When you take a step back and look at everything that goes into adoption, but especially open adoption, there is no other way to explain.
It will be hard, but God will get you through it...whatever the outcome.
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