Lovin' it

We've been busy this week! I was gone until late Monday evening with my sister to see Celine Dion in concert (long-time dream fulfilled...it was on my Bucket List...you may think it's cheesy but I thought it was amazing). Tuesday, Colt was in a cuddly mood, and I was sleepy from my late night and was happy to oblige. We literally cuddled all day long.

Yesterday we took our first "road trip". We went to visit some friends in Blanchard, OK which is about 45 minutes to an hour away from the house. I had been so nervous to take him down that way (nearby is Norman where I went to college and still have many friends). Just the thought of him screaming in the car or something...I don't know, I was just nervous. But, oh my, he was an absolute dream. All week he's been a dream. Pleasant and fun, sweet and snuggly. Smiling quite a bit, very content. Yesterday he was quiet in the car both there and back, put on a sweet show for two families that we visited, and still managed to be utterly kissable and content for Daddy when we got home!

Today we went...to daycare. Sigh. I wanted to turn in my paperwork (complete with one-pager of "Things to Know About Colt" that I wrote up for them), get the first week's tuition paid, and introduce him once again to the teachers in the infant room.

This place is so wonderful. Our friend Cade is already there, and Anna will join in a few weeks when her mom goes back to work. The teachers are so loving (something I've noticed, but it was confirmed by Cade's mom), the directors are experienced and so nice and patient. The room feels warm and cozy, always clean even with 8 infants destructing it all day! We have family working there ready and willing to keep an eye out on Colt. My stepdad's brother and sister-in-law work there and she's already dropped off a handmade blanket for Colt when he arrives! She's the cook and makes the whole place "smell like fresh muffins" as Anna's mom once described.

So...I know this is the perfect place and I'm so glad we found it. Not to mention they provide the exact formula Colt is on for free, so SCORE!

But still...I'm very much dreading it. I haven't always been dreading it. In fact, the first couple of weeks Colt was with us all I wanted to do was drop him off at daycare and go back to work where I knew who I was, what I should do, and surround myself with people who could actually communicate what they needed from me! But then...he changed.

Well, actually, I changed.

I FEEL like a mother now. I feel like COLT'S mother to be more specific. And it's the best feeling in the world. I miss him when I'm gone. Heck, I missed him all day yesterday because he was either in his car seat or being held by my friends...so last night I was a little stingy in sharing him with Daddy.

I want to be with him all the time. I want to be the one he sees when he wakes up from his naps, I want to get the smiles and the coos. I want my shirt to be the one he holds on to when he's sleepy. I want to take naps with him on my shoulder, kiss his cheeks and even be the one to change his diaper. I love it. No, really, I LOVE it.

I have found myself becoming more and more in love with him and with my role. I waited for so long for it, here it is, and it's the best feeling in the whole world.

So next Wednesday is going to be tough. Very tough. I know it is the right decision. Really, for my own sanity as much as for the economical reasons our family needs me to work right now. I love my job, they are very good to me, and I KNOW it's the right decision. My head knows, but my heart has some catching up to do.
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On another note, I just want to say that since Colt arrived I'm even more convinced that I love being close to family. From the time John's sister watched him for our first date night, to the time my mom drove over here in an ice storm on a weekday to take care of him while my head exploded with sinus pressure and I was puking everywhere, to my stepdad coming over in the morning so I could go to a doctor appointment by myself, to all the love he gets from everyone else...I couldn't imagine raising him without all of them around.

I love that he'll know them and recognize him as he grows. I love that he will spend time with them away from us. I love that they get to watch him grow week after week.

God sure knows how to bless beyond measure.