Wow! I need to start posting questions more often. All the comments, e-mails, phone calls after that last post were so awesome and so helpful! I've been on the road on a business trip but already I realize that post was the perfect example of why we need Blogland! We can help each other!
There were some comments about staying at home versus working. And I just wanted to address that particular issue now, so you wouldn't think I was just ignoring it.
I'm not a mother yet, and I don't pretend to know what I'm doing, what is best, or what it feels like. But I can promise you, I haven't spent 27 years dreaming of being a mom and more than two-and-a-half years desperately trying to make that dream come true without really thinking through some things. I don't think any decision in parenthood comes lightly, especially when you want and plan for it like we have.
All of that to say, the work vs. SAH conversation has been hashed, rehashed and discussed over and over. There is nothing I could say here that would sway people on one side of the issue or another. It is a VERY personal, family decision. Just like breastfeeding or vaccines or homeschooling or c-sections or any of the other huge issues that divide women and mothers instead of unite them. And to be honest, there is no RIGHT answer. Throw facts, throw opinions, throw examples, throw necessities out there but there is no one right answer, it's unique to every family.
As of right now, the RIGHT thing to do for our family is for me to keep working. There are many considerations that go into this. I applaud and admire and even envy women who get to stay at home with their kids. That is such an awesome choice. And I started to write out a lot of justifications for our decision, but it doesn't matter. Because we know that right now, I'll be working and I'm looking for really wonderful childcare to help me do that.
I guess I really want everyone to understand that I'm not being irresponsible or selfish, it has NOTHING to do with couple of Starbucks. I really don't like to think of the situation as "missing out" on baby's development or bonding. And honestly, I don't think it's fair to those who really do have to work to phrase it like that. Some women work because they have to and we should all support them and encourage them. They may not be there for every diaper change or every feeding...but they are there to pick their baby up every night and make the most of every precious second they get.
We are all working, in some way, and we are all raising families (like how I'm including myself in this already?!). So support, encourage, applaud everyone for just getting through the day.
OK....wow, that was long and personal. In the meantime, I think I received about 15 options for daycare and I'm even on some lists and have phone numbers for great in-home daycares. I also have a lot of pediatrician recommendations I need to start thumbing through. One who even e-mails with patients! Thank you ALL for your suggestions, encouragement, thoughts, support....it means a lot and I don't know how people parented before blogs!
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9 comments:
Great post! It's like we were saying the other night...it's so presumptive to try and judge someone else's situation. Not that anyone was doing that...I guess I just meant in the context of our conversation on Monday. No matter what anyone chooses, there are still sacrifices to be made, both financially and emotionally. My hope for EVERY woman is that they have the choice and option to do what works best for her family, and have a husband that supports them either way. Ok, sorry, climbing off soapbox now.
A pediatrician that emails?! Wow! Mine talks on the phone, which I love, because MANY times, it saves me the 25$ copay. Not that I put a price on my kids health....
I think the thing you can take comfort in is that fact that whatever child you get, God has placed that child in your home for a reason, and how you handle many different aspects of parenting is absolutely between you and John. God gives us all the right to make certain decisions for a our children because we alone will be responsible for what God has given us. I think that as long as you both are in prayer about it God will give you the answers you need in this issue as well as many others:-)
You guys are going to be wonderful parents, and I have no doubt that you will find what is right for your family.
Love you bunches!
~Ashley
Well said Jess.
I completely support women that have the advantage and the workload of staying home with their children. I would never dare say that that is not the perfect decision for them. But in return I guess I expect that they would be supportive of my decision to work as well.
We're all on the same side. We all (or in mine and your case going to be) are mothers that want the very best for our children; whether it be staying at home or searching for the best daycare around.
Amen sista! Well said.
Jessica,
I stumbled upon your blog through Aubrey's. When I saw your last post and some of the comments I really wanted to say something because I struggle SO much with that issue and I feel your pain. But I knew that I was feeling defensive and it might come out rude.
I work. I have to, and I love my daughter. I get a little upset when I hear someone say that everyone can stay home if they REALLY want to, that is not the case. Don't ever feel guilty about the decision that is right for YOUR family. Whether you HAVE to work or whether you WANT to work it is your decision and no one else's so don't let yourself get caught up in the guilt.
You might try posting babysitting ads at OC. If you call the Student Life office you can place an ad. It's not always the cheapest option but it's really convenient to have someone come to your house. I'm sure you'll find a great care provider and that you will be a WONDERFUL mother.
I stayed home for the 1st year with both girls. I did enjoy it but also saw that financially, we could not make it on one income. I am there after work with my kids and spend the rest of their awake time with them doing mommy and me things. I dont get on the computer or do much else until after dinner, stories, and bathtime is over. It is a personal decision and you should not feel bad for whatever you choose to do.
We're with you girl! I will be working, as well! I just now read your last two posts and didn't get a chance to respond to your last post. As far as pediatricians go, we decided to choose a diverse office since we're not sure which race our child will be. I don't know what your situation is, but we had a really great trans-racial family class that opened our eyes to cultural awareness and the need to bring diversity to our child--especially if they are a different color than us. Just thought I'd give my two cents! :)
Just chiming in to say, well put!
Hi Jessica. I just found your blog and wanted to jump up and down when I read your post. I'm currently in the adoption process and while I do plan on being a SAHM, I think it is a very personal choice that isn't right for everyone, even if it is POSSIBLE. Staying at home isn't easy (not that the contrary is ease AT ALL!)and it isn't always the best option. I know women that have gotten divorced because they stayed at home and their husbands couldn't cope with them not having a life outside the home. I know kids who are very socially inept because they didn't ever leave their homes because their parents were barely making it and couldn't afford any activities. I commend your decision and I commend your strength in your decision!
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